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mood |
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 depressed |
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| [ |
music |
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Green Day- American Idiot |
] |
I'm not happy. My legs are numb, I started shaking when I was playing my Nintendo DS, and I feel like a loser. I can't cut(never have but seems very tempting) or hit myself in the head(Autistic self hate thing), because this is the time of the year when I usually end up in the mental hospital, and I don't want to go. I'm making it a goal to not go this year. I've got four times in the past three years and it's always in August. :( And that's my birthday month. -_-
My mom thinks that since I have a therapist that I should tell everything to him and not to her, so why even bother? Sometimes, I'd like to talk to my mom or someone my own age. My friends act like I'm not their friend any more, so I guess I don't have any except my spirit friend. :( So, in a grand total I have one friend, but he's a good one. ;) But I need to talk to girl about some things. Like boys and make-up. :P
Everyone my age(except the spirit friend, oh, hell, Cedric, except Cedric) are going and doing things. Allison's president of HOSA, Phillip's doing plays, and J.R. and the rest have jobs. And do they call me? No. And my mom doesn't want me to do high school, but go a get a GED, so she doesn't have to teach me homeschool this year. Hell, that'd just make me more of a loser: mentally challenged kid who drops out of high school and gets GED, yeah, that doesn't scream loser at all. I want to FINISH high school, dammit, I only have two years left. I want a class ring and stuff. I want to be as normal as I can be! And that means FINISHING high school for one. I'll even do self study if my mom will let me. :( If fact, since my mom's being such a bitch I'm going to demand to do self study if we can get the material. I tried to do it last year but I didn't have the right material. :( My mom wouldn't go to the homeschool store for me.
I asked her just a minute ago if I could do self study and she said 'we'll see'. *sigh* She doesn't like the whole homeschool thing and makes me feel like I need to be part of the drop-out crowd. :( I DON'T WANT TO DAMMIT! AND I'LL DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO BE A NORMAL TEENAGER!
-Perhin
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chipper
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